So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
