The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
