you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
