just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
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