wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Randomize
