There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
