Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
