hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
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