Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
