You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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