i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
