i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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