Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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