i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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