How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
