Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
