Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
When did angry sex become our thing?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
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