i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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