how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
