All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I can't turn off my feet"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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