the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
