I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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