2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
