I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
