I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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