my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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