We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Randomize
