....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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