i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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