Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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