I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
This house was built for laser tag.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
