Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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