I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
