"it" just moved
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
