That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
