Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
