So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
