It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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