new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Watching her eat just hurts me
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
