I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
