I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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