omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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