i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
