I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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