I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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