I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
