Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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