you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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