i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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