I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
