He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
