I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Randomize
