Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
