Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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