Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I need to align my fucking chakras
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
