I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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