It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
be right there i have to get my cape
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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