boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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