a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
